1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
