I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
