My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
