Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
