i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
