I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
