So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
