i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
