You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're like the curious george of whores
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
