now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
