You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
