I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
