My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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