Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
