Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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