I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
