First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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