where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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