If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
