It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
