my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
