we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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