RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.