I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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