is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
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Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?