Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.