6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.