apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
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well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!