come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies