Well apparently he's into motor boating.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
