If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are