He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
