So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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