I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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