so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
