i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
