the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
