I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
