party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
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A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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