Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
