i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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