my mouth tastes like poor choices
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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