My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize