she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize