apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
