He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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