he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You're like the curious george of whores
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
