So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
