Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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