dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
