i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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