Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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