Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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