If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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