TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
