I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Mom said you looked used
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
