I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
