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I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
