i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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