Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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