Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
