Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
