genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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