I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
