Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
