Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
