tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
