At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
