so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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