I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
