I think I am morally bankrupt
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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