She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
