Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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