im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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