clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
