it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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