Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
