Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
