textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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