This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
