If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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