i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
